Help, my child is absolutely mommy-fixed!|Swiss illustrated Swiss illustrated logo
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- 05/07/2022
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Help, my child is absolutely mommy-fixed!
Go to the toilet alone, shower, cook?No chance!If the child hangs on Mama's rock tip, it can become challenging for everyone.The specialist Karin Schmid knows how parents can break through the vicious circle.
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"No mom!"A sentence that many mothers and fathers know too well.Namely, if the little little one is completely fixed on mom and dad no longer even bind his shoes, let alone bring the child to bed.This situation is not only exhausting for the mother, fathers suffer from the rejection and like to withdraw, while mothers reach the limit of their resilience.
Mehr für dichBut why does Mama fixation even occur?And how should you deal with this scenario as a family?Ms. Karin Schmid, single, couple and family consultant and mediator clarifies.
Karin Schmid, why are some children absolutely fixed on mom? On the one hand, the phenomenon can be explained biochemically: As a woman, you can be connected to the unborn child from the start, because when babies are born, the voice, the fragrance, the hands of the mother areknown.In the case of mothers, it is the case that when feeding, changing, breathing, breathing and comforting the baby, they release the binding hormone oxytocin.While the fathers often have to work again soon, mother and child get to know each other much faster.And then think ahead: In the beginning, children are mainly surrounded by women.Von Mama, of Grossmamis, in the cribs still predominantly women, including play groups, kindergartens, yes, even in primary schools and children's shortages.
How can fathers deal with it when they play the second violin in the child? The most important thing is that they don't take it personally.Toddlers are very fixed on their own condition.You have to be a psychology of development so that you can survive.But I think it is important that fathers talk to the partner about their feelings and wishes in this regard.I often notice that fathers do not trust themselves too little.You can do everything for your children - except breastfeeding - exactly as well as the mothers.
If the child always and vehemently demands mom, what can you do that it opens up again for his dad?
I advise parents to pull together together.It is about a toddler learning and understands that the dad is an equivalent caregiver.Fathers should actively contribute and stay calm and calm, even if the child screams and refuses to everyone.We are happy to forget that children are very “roof” and endure a lot without carrying trauma.It is therefore important to keep calm yourself and to convey to the child that you have understanding for your anger, but that it is now dad who is there and who can do everything as well as mom.You do children a favor if you don't even get involved with power struggles.Studies show that children of mothers who are available and buckle at all times often have worse self -esteem and deeper tolerance for frustration.
How can mothers support the replacement? You can actively involve the fathers from the start.Even during pregnancy, the expectant dad should talk to the unborn, put his hands on the mother's belly.If he does this regularly, his testosterone sinks and he pours out the binding hormone oxytocin.After birth, it is important that mothers learn to give up.It is completely right to have fathers done, even if you may have a different approach than the mothers.
Often the child wins, screams enough, it is brought to bed by mom every evening and fathers have no chance. How do you get out of this circle? You have to break through it, in which you will definitely appear as a parents and is consistent. And here, too, it is important to take the feelings and anger of the child seriously, catch up and comfort it without breaking in. It often also helps when the mother is not physically present. If mom is not there, it is not an option. Many fathers report that they have no problems if they are alone with the children. In the long term, of course, the goal is that both parents can be at home and both can bring the child to bed without any problems. It may be very exhausting for the fathers for the first five times. However, if the child has understood and internalized that dad is just as a safe caregiver as mom and his screaming does not lead to his desired goal, there is usually no more problems.
When does the mama hits usually stop again? Normally the mom phase takes until the child is about three to five years old.A couple of parents can do something a lot beforehand.It pays off if the fathers get involved from the start.Even if this is always exhausting and the toddlers scream for their mothers, it is worth it if you do not break in and do everything for peace and/or the noise level as a mother.That is why I always emphasize that clarity from parents and a lot of training for the child is very worthwhile and in the end the dad is just as important and good reference and confidant as mom.
How does a mother, despite the fixation on her person, manage enough time for yourself? I like to emphasize the three V: familiar, available, reliably.These are all adjectives that distinguish a mother.However, it is just as important to internalize that mothers do not have to be available around the clock.No mother should fit your child permanently or pay unrestricted attention.On the contrary.For development, it is elementary to let children play alone.It is also important that a child feels comfortable and safe with different people.Mothers should try to shovel time for themselves and remember that they can perceive their role well and relaxed, especially when they recover in between.Be it with yoga, sports or just doing nothing.
You can find more information about Karin Schmid here.
Von mzi vor 23 Stunden